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  • Chapter 7: Virgin of the Mountain, the long way home

    Huckleberry stopped into café bar Africa on his way home from school, a place he frequents without ever gaining the ability to read the air.

    “Isn´t that right, Paco”, the barman placed a caña of cerveza overflowing onto the counter for Huckleberry. Huck´s name wasn´t necessarily Paco, but it wasn´t necessarily not Paco. They were talking about the icy rain weather on the television providing us a glimpse into the publicless stands of the Barcelona versus Levante game, and they verified that -at least- it wasn´t nearly as cold as it was in his Wisconsin hometown.

    “Effectively” Huck responded, “Some days it gets down to -30 Celsius.”

    “wwoooooo! How do you leave the house? You wouldn´t even have wrinkles!” the waitress imitated walking into the face stretching frio of the upper midwest.

    A little codornizo egg fried easy and served on a patatera mini-toast helped wash down the cervecita.

    It was chilly though, in Cáceres. An engaging and amiable sort of chilliness. Enough to keep the locals from coming to the bar to watch soccer, which by local standards is quite enough.

    Cáceres has slowly won Huckleberry over and his life is starting to take some sort of defined form. Switching between languages, he no longer short circuits. Less and less people are talking to him like he´s a complete idiot. He´s methodically meandered to just about every street whose inviting characters he knows well but whose names still politely evade his blind right eye. The regal storks have finally arrived and hang alluringly in the near skyscape under the white weight of the Extremaduran January sun. After giving visual integration a try, and learning that it just wasn´t for him: the full beard is back in its rich bitonal splendor. While he misses his family, he greatly appreciates the spanish and sometimes not so spanish friendships he has. The initially shocking melodrama of the general character here has long worn off, and is now rather quite an amusing spice to the otherwise daily-daily that goes unchanging pleasantly into the always nearby future.

    There were still really difficult days, that´s for sure; but, not quite like before. Every time he returns to Cáceres from a trip, it feels more and more like a home.

    This day, Huckleberry looked up into the morning sky. The blue left of the sanctuary on the mountain looked blue like the blue painted tiles downtown. The low sun to the right seemed to be hammocking in the horizon of the treeless but magnetizing green pastures of the hills surrounding the city. The giant yellow yoke´s nearness made the sky dense white, and seemed even nearer than the tile blue sky out beyond them: la montaña, el sol, and Cáceres. Otherwise inexplicably familiar, the sun made one thing absolutely clear – take a walk. From its stratosphere stretching repose like a monkey on a flexing branch, it offered a view of the fetching hillsides. No man is contest for such advances.

    After dropping off his morning reading on the bed of his fresh off the press quilt masterpiece, he stepped back outside and decided which direction would be “the long way home” for today.

    There.

    There´s a little park called the Park of Mark with a tiny pond nearby a university horticulture building. From there you can walk up a ways outwards to the radio tower and double back along the dorsal of the hill-line towards the sanctuary of the Virgin of the Mountain Sanctuary. Granted, the mountain was a hill; but after time with her, and many walks up her flanking rural roads skirting down, Huckleberry began to understand why she´s indeed a mountain. Even the Virgin of the Mountain has gained somesort of personal meaning for him. There are no words, but it´s a friendship in formation and he looks forward to every 1-2 hour trip towards her sanctuary.

    At a comida (meal during siesta) in a nearby vinoteca (“Wine Club”) called Potosi, Rafa said once, “I´m not a religious believer, but I do believe in the Virgin of the Mountain.” He pulled gold chained belief out from his shirt to show the beautiful figurine of the nice lady. This, Huck thought, was both admirable and understandable. Who knows if he would have thought so at journey´s beginning.

    Nonetheless, there he was taking the long way home from home, down to the Park of Mark up to the radio tower, to the sanctuary, down to the conservatory, and up the hill by the Park of the Rodeo.

    Once at the beginning of the sheep and waist high stone wall stradled country road and olive tree speckled grassy green dunes that waved out into-and-through the near sun´s whiteness interrumpting the country view, there was a reigning quietness. The composer Olivier Messiaen would be enthralled by the birds that substitute, moonlighting for the otherwise continuous gig the city noise entertains. A lamenated green paper sign bold prints out “at your own pace” with an arrow below indicating the nearest path leftwards the sanctuary. Not today for Huck, but a good reminder, and well noted as he walked in the long way right direction. Somewhere near the red earth quarry on the outskirts of New Cáceres heading out of town, the patiently ascending path rockens and reddens in parallel. There are no more fences to keep people out from the olivares and private property. Dogs bark, some timidly some wildly enthusiastic in their welcoming hoots and hollers.

    Huck came to a dead end under some sheered rocks, and thought of a fantastically surreal time he spent in 9 Mile Canyon in Utah two years ago. An ancient silence quelled the dry air in those rocky ledges. Seemingly engorged by absence, here was a miniature space alike in character minutes from “home”.

    Huck left the flies to their rock bordered and development forgotten hideout, and headed back up the rural road leading to the tower. Noticing the seemingly back lit shallow light of the entire morning countryside was an incessant affliction for his unfocused attention.

    Huck recently found out that the next 10 days were – due to exams for the students- liberated from his presence, and having the opportunity to travel, hoped that somewhere in his paseo he would accidentally stumble upon the deeply honest desire to title and confirm his next travel destination.

    After coming up top the hill, and paying his respects to the familiar sculptures and regular kittens decorating the parking lot of the sanctuary, Huck descended down towards the often bamboo hugged stream that runs along the backside of the town near the “Old Historic Part”.

    On the way he passed a family all bundled up for the “winter cold” and man playing with his dog out in the hill nearby. Huck couldn´t get over how luminescent everything was, for January. Hopefully, it would never get old. Nearby, Death´s horse munching on grasses makes the flat cresting hill look that much more full of tiny, insignificant little yellow petaled wild flowers. In apalling abundandance, Huck fought the hunch that he should pick – just a few. Unfortunately, the quest to find an edelweiss flower in the pyrenees wilderness stung him from inside the cobblestone streeted untouched mountainvillage of “Ideal” lodged in his consciousness. But, still, the human wanted to pick up at least one of the unending multitude defining minutiae in bold cuts and swings of crisp yellow. Sometimes, this wildflower and grass filled sunny hill backdropped by the empty, monochromatic blue sky seemed more unreal than images taken on the far off moon.

    Storks on a windy winter day hoisted by nothing other than majestic air impress his imagination and obliterate all memories built on books and photographs. They were truly “something else”, as they say.

    As he arrived at the park of the rodeo he saw an old woman, sitting on a bench doing nothing but, as describes Bernando Soares ” bending (her) neck as if to bear the weight of some huge yoke.” She was clearly out in the sun, all bundled up, to take it in, soak it up. But, she did not look altogether happy, or alive. Huck suddenly felt like an inconsiderate idiot for not having grabbed the clearly not endangered wild flowers who, for all we know, may have loved the opportunity to leave for a bit, to accompany a stranger on a sunny bench, and take the long way home. Next time, perhaps.

    Chapter 8

  • Chapter 6: Dear Diane, part 3 (Meeting Ms. Betty)

    “Dear Diane,

    I´m sunrising on my second day, and I just grabbed the free breakfast downstairs. A roll of bread with jam, granola and milk, a cup of coffee and some creamy cheese. The morning table is occupied by eight chairs and entertained by one youth. Conversations over breakfast with strangers at hostals always manifest into strange histories for me. This would be no different.

    “Hey, how´s it going?” setting my plates on the table.

    “Good day!” she smiled back. She had her backpack all ready to go, and rain jacket zipped up – she was absolutely ready to get going. I would later find out that she was about to catch a bus to Evora.

    “How´s your trip been?”

    “Fantastic. How bout yours”

    “Well, Friday I got here at sunrise and found myself climbing all around Sintra at sundown.”

    “AAAhhh, I was thinking about going to Sintra, but decided to go somewhere else. I love visiting small towns – much more interesting than big cities for me.” She spread jam and butter on a split roll, looking down at her painting while speaking up at me. “Just mas much as I love breakfast, it´s my favorite meal of the day.” she added with a touch.

    “Agreed”

    “And you, what are you off to do today?” She tossed a positive outlook my way once her work and words were done.

    “Well, today I´m going to hang around the city here, and tomorrow I´ll do my damndest to get to the ocean. What brings you to Portugal?”

    “Cheap flights. It was here or Denmark so I thought – Hey, I´ll go where it´s warmer, for now – so I did. Though, I really would have liked to go somewhere I could have brought my bike”

    Without possible justification of the assumption, I was beginning to assume that she had no idea that I was beginning to believe we were on the same wavelength: I too, came here on a measureably “cheaper” vacation and also wished I could ride a bike, right about now, for some unknown reason. I waited to find out more. I did not, however, believe it time to assume it twas the beginning of anything, necessarily.

    She tossed the ball back, “and you, what brings you to Lisbon?”

    “Lisbon´s really close to where I live in Spain, teachin´ English.”

    “Where´s that, then?”

    “Cáceres, know where that is?” Generally a good questionn to ask, because knowing where Cáceres-Extremadura is is akin to knowing where Muwkonago, Wisconsin is. Joyous knowledge of the lucky few.

    “Yeah! One of my friend´s last names is Cáceres, and he showed it to us on the map once.”

    “Last name? Where are you from, about?”

    “A town near Puebla, Mexico.”

    Finally, I met someone super friendly who wasn´t somehow related to southern France. I was beginning to show fate who´s boss.

    “So, how did that come out to be a cheap flight?”

    “Oh no, no. Right now I´m living in France while studying abroad. I live in a town that´s close to the border of Switzerland”

    Naturally, of course. The Fates laugh in chorus echoing in my taunted eardrums. -fine- i thought, – i give in, next stop: France-

    We leisurely chatted quite a bit into her seemingy eagerly packed morning, until it was the natural time for departure. Meanwhile the whole table had filled up as the troops rose from the soft hostal cradles. Cleaning dishes and saying adiositos, we all got packed up and checked out. The funny thing about people: sometimes you mutually read that your not going to see each other again, and therefore don´t get into too much detail. Other times you get into excessive, generous amounts of detail for precisely the same reason. And, sometimes you part knowing that you´ll never see them again and that´s that. Othertimes, there´s some strange future that chimes inside you echoing to the present and you simply know it won´t be the last, so what´s be point of getting worried about the details?

    On my way to know where 10 minutes later, I hear footsteps coming up behind me and, somehow knowing it´s that nice girl I met this morning, I turn around to greet her.

    “Taking your time, I see” She says in felicitous hurry, “and I´m still in a rush to get to the metro station so I can catch that bus”

    “Then how on earth did I get ahead of you?” I teasingly smiled, and then made my way to ask the nearest person how to get to the nearest metro station —

    “no! no! I can ask myself” she laughed and we parted ways again. This time the thought crossed my mind, why didn´t I ask this person´s name? I´ve had such a friendly life-detailed conversation with her this morning, and it´s kindof embarassing to think that we don´t even know each other´s names.

    And thus, Diane, started my second day in Portugal. I roamed all around. Quite literally everywhere. My goal was to cover as much of Lisbon´s ground my feet could offer before crashing and then, only then, would I concede to check out the Barrio Alto during the night when all the hip folk go out to the bars. Not a stretch of Lisbon went unseen Saturday. Diane, someday I hope you get the pleasure of seeing it with your own eyes. Also, Diane, remind me to send these postcards off as soon as possible when I get back to Spain.”

    “Dear Diane,

    It´s Sunday morning, and I´ve just made up my mind. Someday, I really want to return to Sintra, but at the same time I want to leave the mystery be for a while, to sit tight for a sunnier day. Much more weight pulled me to Cascais. When I checked out of the hostal this morning, I asked the lad working the front desk what he thought about daytrips to Cascais. He told me there was nothing there to see. The chef that recommended I go to Sintra told me so precisely becuase Cascais came up in conversation (where she actually lived, commuting everyday to whip up wonders in the kitchen downtown Lisboa) and she told me there was really no reason to see Cascais.

    I knew exactly what this all meant. My Future Past was just screaming “get to Cascais”. So I am. As soon as I turned around from the platform of the train heading to Sintra everything in my body vibrated with existential delight. Some unnatural things happen if you fail to read what´s written, and my lord was it written: the sun came out, the air embraced my ears with welcoming echo washes from the sea, and now in the train line overlooking the river Tagus as it gently becomes estuary Tagus I´m reading my authentically un-autographed copy of Francisco Pessoa´s work, “The Book of Disquiet”. I kid you not, the LED readout screen that normally tells the next destination and the temperature outside the train reads, ” ??:??, ??/??/????.” My exterior was syncronizing with my interior. As the train stops to pick up passengers headed to Belem, home of the sinfully consciousness eclipsing custard cream tarts, I look up to my right to see the face and hear the serendipitous hello of the mexican gal I thought had already taken a train and a bus and possibly a flight back to France.

    “Hey! Good day!” the situation of stepping on to this train at this hour in this car was apparently not affording either of us a proper surprised reaction. Really, it wasn´t that surprising, so we didn´t pretend.

    “Hey”

    “Can I sit here?”

    “Of course.” My hands kept the open book throned on the daybroken carpet like ledge contouring the seat in front of me. Good music stand. As she plopped down I asked her, “thought you went back to Francy-pants.”

    “No, I headed out to Evora – I think it´s my favorite place in Portugal I´ve seen so far. By the way, what´s up with the LED screen?”

    “Not sure, but it makes me happy. Where are you off to now?”

    “I´ll check out the tower of Saint Jorge, the neighborhood of Belem. Tonight I won´t be staying at the same hostal so I don´t think I´ll see you later. You know, try different places.”

    “Me neither, actually I´m catching an overnight bus back to Cáceres tonight and right now I´m on a mission to see the sea. I promised myself. By the way, what´s your name?”

    “Graciela. How bout you?”

    “Andrés.”

    “But, it´s andrew, right?”

    “Yep. Andrew Grimm. Well this is your stop, yeah?”

    “Yes, it was nice meeting you! Bye!”

    “A pleasure. Safe journeys!”

    With that Diane, Graciela and I parted ways for what will probably be forever. Well, for a long time, at least. I would like to say who knows, but…you know.”

    “Dear Diane,

    I´ve gotten to the coastline of Cascais and it´s been a thrilling ride not so much in its movement but in its views. Between the hilariously tragic memoirs of a ficticious bank clerk and the riverscape of the Tagus, I was merry as can be getting to Cascais. I left the station and immersed myself in the sunshine and color of the cute little seaside port-town. I saw some youths fabricating destiny on steady red steeds, “Where did you find such noble beasts?” I inquired and they thusly instructed me how, with a passport and a promise to bring her back on a full tank, one might acquire a free tourist bike. I got “Bi-Cas” bicycle number 193. I took a good look at her as I arrived at the seafoamgreen glittering salt bath between sailboat docks, and came to the unequivocal realization that her name was indeed, “Betty” Ms. Betty, at that. A prestigious steed. “Betty,” I sayed in my most pitiful attempt at charming, “Take me to the ocean from  here, and don´t stop till we get there. Make it your obession.” And so, Diane, we one speed two wheeled it through the road-edge-cliff-crashing water path. Ms. Betty was truly persistent in her vicarious obsession. Every moment I was closer, and closer to the ocean. Every moment was a multisensory masterpiece one day to enter the virtual existence museums as an account for the future generations to know just what it´s like to be a happy jackass smiling down an ocean bike path at January´s end on a one speed bicycle. Ms. Betty was the liberation of my promise, and our hasty obsession. We were there.”

    “Dear Diane, I´m up the hill from Cabo de la Roca, Portugal facing the great Atlantic sky and a legion of dark monotony hangs tight over the coast coming from the depths of humanless domains to the shoreline of the comfy. With its curiously beautifully balancing gloom, the storm clouds highlighted the nearby mountain towns with brilliant exuberance. I have not the photos to describe the scene properly so I´ll just lend you the lens of my words, Diane, but savor them, for I haven´t much more within reach.”

    “Hiking down non-existent stairwells into the rocky forray between me and the spraying ocean foliage, visiting volcanic rock perched fisherman, and devouring landscapes wore me down, Diane. So I needed food. Therefore I did what every good traveller does. Go and Go until you find yourself in normal-ville wherever-town and look in various restaurants until you find where all the locals are stuffed at.

    Something smelled carnivorously ambrosius and smote all sense of inhibition with primal integrity: Here there was some damn good chicken, and I was about to honour it by showing it that, <I love you so much I could eat you>, and dining on its divinity. The gift from god was a spicy spiced chicken. I sopped up its fatty, saucy, oily platter with delicious bread rolls and had the first rice of my venture acompanied by two fizzy cool blonde beers. There are times when one must forego giving two shits about respecting the “life sucks, yours sucks too, don´t shine on my rainy parade” society you find everywhere, at large-obese in the global bourgeois that burns optimism at the stake of its anti-luminous droll. This was one of those times to be not so socially acceptable. For here, Diane, they´ve got a chicken that´ll kill ya. Now to find a suitable creamy, cafeinated epilogue (click here) – or maybe some citrus spiked gelato.”

    “Dear Diane, I´m at the end of my time in Portugal, and it has been sweet. I´m on the subway´s Blue Line from Baixa-Chiado to Jardim to catch a bus a Sete Rios to Cáceres at 9pm. When I´ll arrive, I wonder if I´ll notice the time difference, again – and I don´t mean cutlurally, I mean it simply. When I waited for the Lisbon headed bus which abnormally arrived on time (this is Spain, afterall), It was 2:04 in the morning. I noticed the second hand moving extremely fast. Too fast, it seemed. Perhaps it was making headway to get a jump on things, giving the spaniards just a bit more day and a bit more leniency to get around to living their lives. Or maybe it was something else. Whatever it was, seconds passed by by the bundles and bunches. Not so much gone as contracted, perhaps like a bow and arrow. Or a spring. Or the clothesline of my wild and capricious laundry on a breeze gabby day.”

    “Dear Diane.

    I went to sleep at 4, and woke at 8. I feel entirely rested. Maybe it was me saving time at the bus station 2a.m. Friday morning, I seem to have made use of it regardless. Anyhow, I hope this recording gets to you in one piece. I´m off to grab a refreshingly normal, everyday experience to start my week off placidly content: a bit of toast covered in tomato sauce, olive oil, and iberian ham – the last pages of an enjoyable delirium called 1Q84 – and a damn good cup of coffee. Until we see each other again, Diane. Take Care,

    Huckleberry”

    Chapter 7

  • Chapter 6: Dear Diane, part 2 (Sintra, Senhor Soares)

    “Dear Diane,

    I´ve arrived in Sintra. It´s 2 in the afternoon. I apparently only bought a transportation pass for the area of downtown Lisbon and Dog House On Wheels Man informs me so, from behind the electric guard. Thus, he is in the process of meandering through the boarding electric guard with his two story dog house on wheels to get to me, all the way 2 meters away standing at the EXIT electric guard. He draws near, and out pops the head of a miniature white poodle. Toting an eccentric cotton candy-like hairdo, the old man cautiously tows his pride and joy along side and has draped a jacket on top of the two level mobile doggie condominium. He appears to be a wacky sage or modern shaman accompanied by his Tortoise bodied, Poodle headed Chimera of a Familiar. He´s showing a strange passcard to the electric guard, and he chaufeurs me through the emotionless chrome faces. I feel like Atreyu, tempting the scorning heat of the ever unwanted ocular attention of the gaurdian statues. The peculiar poodle chaufeur fares me on, and I am now stepping out onto the street in Sintra. Between this lovely quixotic old man, and myself narrating these events to my cell phone in his presence, something of comradery hangs in the damp sea breeze.”

    “Diane,

    I step into town and to my surprise there are small castles everywhere. Beautiful houses line the weaving hills and the historic old center looks freshly printed out of a fantasy book for an innocent time yet known to man. Truly, this is where tourists go to die. Even though Sintra is obviously a place where only the rich could live, it charms me to no end and yep, another one. Yep, every corner in this town is a little turret top castle that just charms the buttons off your mustard green cardigan. When I become an old man in two years, I want to have the pleasure of dreaming about talking pointless walks through the compactly arranged comfort of the dense nonchalant magic this town will forever symbolize.

    Walking down the main street leading “downvillage”, I stop to admire the wonderful art sculptures that recount herstories of Portugal throughout the ages and the voyages. The articulate pathway leads to an open square with a white, twin peaked castle hanging out with a bunch of photo-goers. Behind the plaza, it looks like the wooded hill is about to overcome the town, if it hasn´t already taken over half of it so far. All barriers are overflowing with life, cascades of vining synthesizers awaiting the rain that comes. Like a danish royalty back in the day, this place has the luxury of letting it alllll hang out, and it hangs over the valley beneath the even more austerely luxurious castles and mansions atop the mountain. Diane, the gorgeous buildings cresting the hill above me have taken my breath away, and I´m going to retrieve it.”

    “Diane,

    I scale the back and forths of Sintras neighborly alleys and a wall printed incantation reminds me that “no one can dream for you”. Agreed, companion. Agreed. Diane, much of the graffiti around the greater Tagus river estuary seems to deal with dreams, aspirations, facing the unkown with relentless and obsessive zeal, and slyly confident anti-authoritarian inspirationals. Some independent folk round here, my friend. A sign to the left says, “moorish castle” and an old lady walks up the signless road on the right leading into the green. I guess, it´s obvious which way I should go now.  The only difficult thing will be sneaking past the old lady into the apparently one way road into the who-knows.”

    “Walking up the steep folded spiral ascent water streams down the side of the broken edged road feeding juicy mineral morsels to the vegetation slurping and lapping unhindered. The nature´s ambiance is strictly lascivious, and I´m not quite sure if its intents for me are altogether innocent. Even the road, the driveway gates, and the protective walls harbor seductive greens. None the matter, I´m on my way up to the top, making good time and making good appreciation of the chateaus and neatly nested fancy fantasias of hill houses that seem to anchor the lofty sky road on this couldn´t be happier hike.”

    “It looks like it´s gonna rain, Diane, and a lovely young couple just informed me that its another half hour at least to the top. Rain brushes against my face and moistens my now sweaty sweatershirt as I hike up through timid clouds. Indeed, being in rain, is not the same as being rained on. Rain is not the same as raining. Rain…that beady phenomenon of balled humidity coalescing and birthing into a drop. Here, at this medium hieght, there is rain, but it´s not raining. Perhaps it´s waiting for me to finish.”

    “I´ve made it, finally, to the castle up top. They´ve just closed everything up, and i´ve barely missed getting a chance to see inside the castles and mansions on the hill that I have come so far so quickly to see. I really don´t care about those things, really. Diane, I´m just happy to be random and on the go at the moment. I´ve also caught my breath back, for which I started this mounting after all”

    “Wandering about the lushness, I´ve encountered a spirited girl with upward bundled thick dark hair revealing a lovely freckled smile. Jumping down from an Escher-esque stairwell she asked me where I was going. I told her I was going.

    She looked down the hill and pointed to a path, “that´s ways downtown, ok? Bye!” Then she hopped away, the contents of her backpack chiming in with a jangly goodbye as well. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Diane, and today I´m beholding just about everything.”

    “After getting back from Hucklberry in Wonderland, I found myself entirely worn out and decided to save the rest of Sintra for an entirely different trip. I´ll be coming back, some magical day. Now, I´m headed back into town – Lisbon – to check things out by night fall. Being friday night, tons of youth are boarding the train from the suburbs heading into the time of their lives.”

    “It´s now nightime and I´m stereotypically having a pour of Port wine in a plaza, people watching. The table near me is a mustachioed man with circular black framed glasses writing on a piece of napkin from the kiosk, but clearly staring out into the stagnant and muddy oblivion and infinite restriction of his future. He just looked up at me, I think it´s best I narrate the rest of this, later.”

    “Diane,

    A street performer rattled awkwardly through the plaza after which the mustache master and I exchanged banalities. Then, I asked him,

    –Who are you, again?”

    “I´m just a nobody. A bookeeper, really. Just as well anyone other nameless soul, but you can call me Bernando Soares. And, what´s your name?”, he replied with the truth singular to heteronyms, or polytruths. 

    –“Huckleberry. Andrew John Huckleberry Grimm”, I told him. Afterall, that´s in a manner the most honest way I could reply his reply.–I worked hard past his peculiarly bleak exterior silence that reeked of rancid and rotting thoughts at the cusp of being exposed to the efficient recycling compost of expression ..and continued our conversation–

    –What are you writing?–

    “At this moment, when I almost overflow with feeling, I would like to have the wit simply to speak out and have as my destiny the capricious freedom of a style. But no, there is only the vast, remote sky slowly cancelling itself, and the emotion I feel – a mixture of many confused emotions – is nothing but the reflection of that empty sky in a lake within myself, silent as a dead man´s gaze, a hidden lake amidst tall rocks, in which the oblivious sky contemplates itself.”

    –And, who are you, again?–

    “I am the outskirts of some non-existent town, the long-winded prologue to an unwritten book. I´m nobody, nobody. I don´t know how to feel or think or love. I´m a character in a novel yet unnwritten, hovering in the air and undone before I´ve even existed, amongst the dreams of someone who never quite managed to breathe life into me.”

    –In all my travels, I´ve not quite met someone who dialogues like you.–

    “You want to travel? To travel you simply need to exist. …I find the idea of travelling only vicariously seductive as if it were an idea more likely to seduce someone other than myself.”

    –You seem taken ill by the blithe languidness of truly strange content.–

    “From the terrace of this café, I look tremulously out at life. i can´t see much of it, just the bustle of people concentrated in this small bright square of mine. Like the beginnings of drunkeness, a profound weariness illuminates the souls of things. Life, obvious and unanimous, flows past outside me in the footsteps of the passers-by. In this moment my feelings all stagnate and everything seems other than it is, my feelings a confused yet lucid mistake. like an imaginary condor, I spread my wings but do not fly. As a man of ideals, perhaps my greatests aspiration really does not go beyond occupying this chair at this table in this café.”

    –well..uh…hmm.—

    “I really need very little to feel content: the rain having stopped, the good sun of the happy South, some yellow bananas, all the yellower for having black spots, the people who chatter as the sell them, the pavements of the Rua da Prata, the blue touched with green and gold, of the Tagus beyond this domestic corner of the Universe.”

    -Here, Diane, I realized he wasn´t talking with me, but merely speaking aloud as he wrote his thoughts down, look what comes–

    “A day will come when I no longer see this, when the bananas by the side of the pavement will continue to exist without me, as will th voices of their canny sellers and the daily newspapers that the young lad has laid out side by side on the corner of the pavement opposite. I know they will not be the same bananas, nor the same sellers; and, for the person bending to look at them, the newspapers will bear a different day from today´s. Because they are inanimate, they remain the same even though their form may change; on the other hand, because I live, I will pass on yet remain the same.

    I could easily consecrate this moment by buying some bananas!,

    for it seems to me that the natural floodlight of the day´s sun has poured all of itself into them. But I feel ashamed of rituals and symbols, of buying things in the street. They might not wrap the bananas properly, they might not sell them to me as they should be bought. My voice might sound odd when I ask the price. Far better to write than dare to live, even if living means no more than buying bananas in the sunshine, as long as the sun lasts and there are bananas to sell. Later, perhaps…yes, later…another, perhaps…I don´t know…”

    “Dear Diane, 

    I´ve silently left the man to his business, but I feel terribly influenced by his character in the most delightful way. Sometimes people can mark and define a city. This man is one of those that changes landscapes. Well, I´m at the hostal, ready to get a good night sleep after an illuminating half moon day. It´s the usual here: international students preparing to party, random wayfarers taking an organized pause, mildly sociopathic german man talking to everybody, and a nice stranger joining me in the common room. We occupy linked couches forming an L shaped miracle: two energy spent youngins drinking herbal infusions while reading. I looked up once or twice while reading, “The Book of Disquiet” publishd posthumously by the spectacularly modernist Lisbon native and cosmically humorous writer by the name of Fernando Pessoa. Somehow I knew striking up a conversation with this lady would be much easier than with the mustachioed and bifocaled maestro I met in the kiosk-café terrace.”

    Click here for Chapter 6: Dear Diane, Part 3..the last part..